The Last Testament
It Getteth Better -- GOD
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1In the beginning, I took a lunch with Daniel Greenberg of the Levine Greenberg Literary Agency.
2 For the future of print was without hope, and void; and darkness had fallen upon the face of the entire publishing industry.
3 So one day Daniel, my agent, whom I have been with forever; by which I do not mean literally “forever,” as I started out unrepresented, but a good 25 years or so;
4 Anyway, Daniel got us a table at Balthazar; for he knows someone there.
5 So we met, and exchanged pleasantries, and sat down, and caught up; and in time I coyly came around to asking... see more
1In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.”
2 Yea; that takes me back.
3 Back to the first day of creation; the day when, in a sense, it all began for me;
4 The day I tossed aside the idleness of my early eons, to take on the honor, responsibility, and privilege of being the LORD thy God, King of the Universe.
5 I remember that day like it was yesterday, though to be sure it was not yesterday; rather it was ages ago, across an unfathomable sea of time whose meagerest inlet exceeds the ken of human understanding.
6 It was October 23, 4004 B.C.
7... see more
1The most important thing about undertaking a large-scale building project such as a universe, is to divide it into small, manageable action items.
2 For if thou seest it as a single large operation, thou art bound to become discouraged, and say to thyself, “Oh, I shall never manage to build a whole universe in six days; it is just too darn hard.”
3 So knowing the pitfalls of this approach, I banished it from my thinking from day one (Day One), and laid the week out as a series of attainable goals: the first being the relatively simple task, of creating the heavens and the earth.
... see more
1But before I speak of humanity’s earliest ancestors, I must here address a subject of great importance to all seekers of truth; but particularly those seekers of truth, who are tenth-graders in Kansas.
2 Over the last several hundred years, scientists have uncovered an obscene amount of evidence in support of the theory of evolution expounded by Charles Darwin.
3 And each such piece of evidence has seemingly revealed a new and more profound inconsistency between reality, and the account of Creation offered in Genesis.
4 Now, I know many of my faithful servants have labored... see more
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