No Cheating, No Dying

I Had a Good Marriage. Then I Tried To Make It Better.

reading group guide
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Written with charm and wit, No Cheating, No Dying investigates one of the most universal human institutions--marriage. Elizabeth Weil and her husband Dan have two basic ground rules for their marriage: no cheating, no dying. For ten years it’s worked fine, but Elizabeth started to wonder if it could be better.

Elizabeth Weil believes that you don’t get married in a white dress, in front of all your future in-laws and ex-boyfriends but gradually, over time, through all the road rage incidents and pre-colonoscopy enemas, good and bad dinners, and all the small moments you never expected to happen or much less endure. In this book, Weil examines the major universal marriage issues—sex, money, mental health, in-laws, children—through bravely recounting her own hilarious, messy, and sometimes difficult relationship. She seeks out the advice of financial planners, psychoanalysts, therapists, household management consultants, priests, rabbis, and the United States government. Woven into this funny and forthright narrative is Weil's extensive research on marriage and marriage improvement. The result is an illuminating and entertaining read that is a fresh addition to the body of literature about marriage.

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Book details:

Scribner |
192 pages |
ISBN 9781439168264 |
February 2012

$19.99 List Price

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Praise

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“A whip smart and contagiously humorous attempt to address the eternal conundrum of domestic ennui and its discontents.”

– Elle

“Witty, honest . . .”

– People

“Weil has a voice that charms, full of wit, intelligence and compassion.”

– O, The Oprah Magazine

“The story of their marriage-improvement journey is both hilarious and insightful.”

– The New York Times Book Review

“Quite wonderful . . . an astonishingly intimate, hilariously self-deprecating, vibrant and thoroughly modern memoir.”

– San Francisco Chronicle

“An engaging, often funny and heartfelt memoir about the not-so-romantic realities that can follow 'I do.'”

– Tampa Bay Times

“What ultimately makes No Cheating, No Dying such a thrilling read is the way Weil fiercely includes the reader in the secret life of her marriage.”

– Knoxville MetroPulse

“Weil approaches this creative act with unfaltering self awareness, and this is what makes her pursuit so successful and readable. Indeed, the author’s own surprise at what she finds when rooting around the depths of her union... ”

“This is such a smart and rich and insightful book (sometimes painfully funny, other times funnily painful) about what it really takes to keep the turbines of modern marriage going. Reading this memoir, I found myself rooting not... ”

– Elizabeth Gilbert

“Part experiment, part memoir -- told with candor and grace. . . . ”

– New Jersey Star Ledger

“Ever wish you had a really articulate, thoughtful friend who had the guts to tell you every important and ridiculous thing about her marriage? Allow me to introduce you to the wise and generous Elizabeth Weil. You'll love her.”

– Kelly Corrigan, New York Times bestselling author of The Middle Place and Lift

“Marriage is a legal bond, a love affair, a trap, a safety net, a financial partnership. In her wise, charming, and dizzyingly forthright new book, Elizabeth Weil examines this mercurial institution. And she does it the hard way--by... ”

– Claire Dederer, author of Poser

“Marriage is complicated and Elizabeth Weil's is no exception: Loving, overall happy, but complicated. But her openness about this and pledge to improve the relationship makes for a wonderfully compelling and inspiring memoir. The... ”

– A. J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically and Drop Dead Healthy

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Read an Excerpt

1
The Project

I have a good marriage.

I had a good marriage before I spent a year improving it, and I have a good marriage now. In fact, my marriage is better, truly better. Although not in the ways I’d expected.

When I set out to improve my marriage, I assumed that better would look like a Photoshopped version of good: essentially unchanged, unsightly elements gone. Dan would no longer butcher headless, skinless pigs and goats on our kitchen island. I would not tidy up, literally and psychologically, by shoving junk in drawers. We would quit outsourcing the production of...

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Book Reviews

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Reading Group Guide

This reading group guide for No Cheating, No Dying includes an introduction, discussion questions, and ideas for enhancing your book club. The suggested questions are intended to help your reading group find new and interesting angles and topics for your discussion. We hope that these ideas will enrich your conversation and increase your enjoyment of the book.

Introduction

Elizabeth Weil and her husband, Dan Duane, had two ground rules for their marriage: no cheating, no dying. This mantra worked well for a decade, until Elizabeth decided to up the ante. Part memoir and part savvy self-help guide, No Cheating, No Dying is a forthright, funny book about a happy marriage and the therapies, exercises, and attitudes that might make it even better…or not.

Topics & Questions for Discussion

1. Elizabeth Weil begins No Cheating, No Dying by stating that she “had a good marriage.” (p. 1) Why then does she set out to improve it? What were your initial thoughts about this endeavor?

2. Elizabeth admits the marriage improvement project made her relationship with Dan “truly better,” although not in the ways she expected. (p. 1) What are her expectations going into this experiment? What turns out differently than she anticipated?

3. What is your overall opinion of Elizabeth and Dan as a couple? What about each one individually? What are the major strengths and see more